Being 20

By the time I become 20, I thought I would have my life all together knowing what I wanted to do with my life. By the time I become 20, I thought I would have no fear that I am strong enough to do whatever the life brings me to. By the time I become 20, I thought I would be independent financially and emotionally. By the time I become 20, I thought I knew how the world works. And the list goes on and on…

But the truth is, none of these were true. Whatever the age you become, you can never be an adult completely. Your fear will never go away completely. You somehow have to depend on others because you cannot live on your own completely. However, I also learned that is okay, too. You do not always have to be perfect because if you are completely grown as a person, that means you will no longer grow. And I want to keep growing until the day I die because I believe that is what life is all about so I am okay for not being able to become an adult yet.

I have so far lived a happy life. I have a great family who always reminds me they love me no matter what. I have many friends in all over the world. I have traveled to 12 countries. I spend a year in the United States, which widen my view. I was lucky enough to go to college I wanted to attend. When I look back on my life, I was always happy even though someone made me cry, I was still happy deep inside of my heart. And I know, not everyone could have experienced what I have experienced as a teenager. Therefore, I deeply appreciate everything that made it possible for me to live a happy life.

Ever since I was little I have loved going to my grandparent’s house because it always reminds me where I come from. Granddad who still thinks I am a little girl that he gives me chocolate every time I visit them. I have so many memories there. My mom always took me and my sister there as we take our dog for a walk. My grandparents, aunts, my cousins and everyone gathered and spent time together. As life goes on, I do not know where and what and who I am going to end up. But whatever the life takes me, I want to remember where I come from. 

Before I turn 20, I want to leave a little message from yet 19 years old myself because we always forget how it feels like to be 19 once we turn 20.  As a 19 years old, I have no idea what I want to do with my life. All I know is that I want to be happy and I want to make people around me even happier.  The past two years, I have worked so hard to make my dream come true and I know I am almost there but now I am being too worried to make one more step towards my goal. I have failed to have a job as a waitress and I could not accept the fact that I was not able to do something that most people can do. I sucked but I realized sometimes life is not going to turn out the way you want it to be and it is quite normal.  There are so many thoughts going through my head but after everything I said, this last 20 years made who I am today and I am quite happy to be who I am. I hope I can say the same in 10, 20 or 30 years later.